I just cannot tell you how much fun Pea and I have been having since we arrived in Laos. It has completley exceeded all our expectations and we have suprised ourselves at the amount of people weve been meeting and the hours we have danced on our worn out toots.
The tubing was magic in Vang Vien and far more than I expected it to be. It involves bars and bars aligned on a riverside raised on stilts and covered in young people dancing, singing and inebriating themselves a bit whilst watching those flying through the air on zip wires and off petrifyingly high platforms! Oh and you can hire a rubber ring to slowly drift you down the river however the entire tubing population recline at the first bar making this utterly pointless and relatively lonely. (NB Take note if you are heading there)
Emma, I and our three new soul mates arrived at the first bar unfashionably late, wearing far too many clothes for the blistering heat and looking far too ladylike for the occasion. I described the feeling as like when you arrive at a cocktail party scanning the room to find you are both wearing the wrong thing and realise you know not a soul in the room. Tragic I know, but only my style and thankfully Ive got used to laughing at it by now. However within a few mini seconds, we had been thrown into the water thrust a headband on and written over in endless permanent markers, feeling finally part of the heaving crowd.
We were positively tatooed from head to toe in expletives which arent fit for the midge's ears let alone mine and had to let all our inibitions go for the few hours we were there. One poor slightly drunken girl had been pinned down and had 'free squeeze' scrawled across her bare chest. This led to her being harassed incessantly for the next few hours, having her lady lumps played like bongo's and handled like playdo by queuing drooling males. Meanwhile we shook our booties like beyonce and grabbed every poor lingering soul for a cheeky dance. Luckily we had a fine technique of also rescuing eachother from the drunks, one who in order to chat our sexy Pea up claimed he hadnt been sober for the last 35 days! What a devil..
We then swang on the zip wires ressembling trapeze artists and jumped from petrifying heights trying our upmost not to appear even the tiniest bit shaky. Luckily my upper body strength just held up and I didnt proceed in belly flopping or the entirity of my bikini coming down in front of the frightening audience so I was ecstatic. Well worth a try I promise you.
The evenings also required our dancing shoes and a lot of stamina to last until the early hours of the morning. These nights we spent around a blazing bonfire boogying on raised bamboo made dance floors and reclining in the hammocks when our feet could tap no more. It was magic.
The only unfortunate aquaintance was a small Chilean boy who charmed me off my feet, it was all going swimmingly until I moronically told him I was longing to learn how to salsa. This was just a sly comment not meant for any direct repercussions, but the next minute I was being swung and thrown around knocking over spaced morons in the process, to music so inappropriate for this latino movement it positively infruriated me. I remained patient until I could take it no more, grabbing Pea we wandered back. However so too did this midget who persisted in poking various parts of my blubber on our return. Both puzzled, humiliated and turning an unattractive shade of ROUGE I was conjuring up a plan of shrugging him off. When we returned though he grabbed my wrist in a policeman arresting fashion and lunged to slobber on my forehead. I dodged, ran up the frightening steep steps to our room and fled leaving him to work out where he drastically messed up.
Apart from that though we met a group of cheeky chileans, two british nottingham lads,a columbian lunatic and a friendly newton faulkner double. Not to mention the verbal vomiting Canadian, two greasy long haired dishy dutchmen and one raving lesbian making it a most ecclectic entourage.
We left this mad surreal town, deflated but looking forward to Luang Probang. The beautiful city in which we are so luckily staying this moment. We have not picked the short straw this time and have currently become part of a Laotian family. The hotel owner we refer to as mama, an ADORABLE cross eyed lady who adorns us with endless free bananas and coffee. Her house a sweet french looking cottage is nestled quaintly next to even more stunning hotels and she hardly asks for a penny.
Today we went to experience the real Lao, renting bikes and exploring local villages ourselves. This including me plunging into a river in something similar to a Burqa (obviously not a personal choice, but to respect their moral code) to be surrounded by a hoard of young naked vietnamese chubby, smiling and splashing boys. It was heaven on earth and we sat skimming stones, playing poo sticks over a stunning wooden bridge and listening to music all afternoon. Elated, we hadnt fallen into the trap of booking an extortionate guide to tour us aroud the fields followed by a long line of elderly tourists and never wanting to leave.
So one more day here and then the following day we pack our bags and head for Thailand, believe it or not, with our three other sweet companions glued to the hip. As my gordie sis would say 'CANNY WAIT!'. Will write again as soon as I can. Love to each and everyone of you.
Biggus kissus xxx
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